I often wonder how much time we dedicate to fear. It’s a global malady, which results in all types of terrible behaviors. Some of us shy away from others, turning in on ourselves until we have nothing left to give our neighbor. Others placate and please, diminishing their own voice until it’s a copycat replica of another’s voice. Even more people sound war cries, charging into conversations with a boastful confidence in their relative superiority.

All of these examples are on the spectrum of fear, but showcase different coping mechanisms: flee, fawn, and fight. All are unhealthy, in respect to the individual and their impact on their community.

I often ask myself: how would God want me to act in the face of fear? The answer is: God would want me to love.

 

Isaiah 41:10

 

Fear is an Echo Chamber

When I think of a chamber, I think of an enclosed space, like a prison. Truly, fear is its own type of prison on Earth. I think we underestimate its impact on us. Fear can co-opt all that is good, turning us against our neighbor, until the very things we long for — connection, trust, generosity, and forgiveness — are out of reach.

When I think of the most common fear mechanisms –– flee, fawn, and fight –– I can understand the relational hurdles that each bring into play.

• Flee: Results in a lack of communication, connection, and repair. Relationships are shut down in favor of emotional safety. In the context of true danger, fleeing is entirely acceptable. But when it is done to protect the ego (pride), by avoiding difficult but necessary conversations, fleeing only serves to protect the person who disengages. The other person is left to pick up the emotional pieces.
• Fawn: Leads to a lack of authenticity and a tendency toward stunted emotional growth. In the context of relationships, Proverbs 27:17 reminds us: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” If one party is disengaged in order to please the other, their two souls can not be sharpened. In other words, there is no room for improvement, for two whole people must show up for a relationship to propel forward.
• Fight: God does not take well to anger or violence amidst his people. In Matthew 5:9, Jesus states:  “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Repeatedly, Jesus calls us to resist evil, to “turn the other cheek” instead of retaliating with violence. This includes verbal violence! One of my favorite verses is found in James 3:7-8: “For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: but the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” We must be careful about what we let escape our mouths. Words hold more power than we could ever imagine.

Why do these fear-based mechanisms happen? And why do we allow them to destroy our relational lives? Well, fear makes us out of touch. With each other, with how we truly feel, and what we truly need. Fear makes us rely on our own understanding, closing our ears to the needs of others, and to the will of God in our lives.

We must remember that God does not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control. Moreover, God repeatedly tells us that He will fight our battles for us: “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:14)

We must ask ourselves: who, then, gives us the Spirit of fear? Who is calling us to flee, fawn, or fight? It is not our loving God, but the one who defies Him.

 

Via Pinterest

 

Do Not Let the Spirit of Fear Lead You

God calls us to trust Him. Time and time again, the Bible repeats the message of standing firm in God’s truth.

• Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding”.
• Proverbs 29:25: “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”

I know it is difficult. Fear is a force that co-opts and destroys the very good things in our lives. It can even convince us to walk away from God’s plan for our lives. But fear is not God’s plan for us. If you believe in God, it’s time to really start believing in His promises for your life. Those who walk with God are safe.

The following verses are reminders of God’s provision in your life:

• Isaiah 41:10: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
• Isaiah 26:3: “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.”
• Deuteronomy 31:8: “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
• Psalm 32:8: “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”
• John 16:33: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

 

John 14:27

 

Lead With Love Not Fear

If you did not fear your neighbor, how would you treat them? Would you talk more often? Invite them over to dinner? Patiently listen to their stories without the need to interject your opinion?

All of these are examples of loving your neighbor. And notably, all of them require the absence of fear. It takes courage to make connection. It takes strength to share your neighbor’s burdens. It takes patience to lovingly listen. It takes love to form relationships that last.

Jesus was not in the business of shallow, futile connections. Everywhere He traveled, He acted in boldness. He did not waver in the face of human judgement, nor did He give into fear. No, Jesus knew where He stood with God, and knew His objective on Earth: to seek and save the lost.

If Jesus had the Spirit of fear, would He have tenderly spoken to and loved the Samaritan woman whom the Jews despised? Would He have journeyed across deserts in search of the weary and lost among us? Would He have willingly given Himself up on the cross, so that we could live a rich and full life in God’s grace?

The Spirit of Love did such things, and fear had not place here. God’s Love gives in abundance.

 

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Commit Yourself to Love

1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love”

God’s love is patiently waiting for you. He understands your fears and asks you to willingly surrender them to Him. He doesn’t want you to live with emotions that can weigh you down. Not when He has a beautiful plan for your life, waiting on the other side of your uncertainty.

Will you take a leap of faith and trust Him?

God will catch you ❤️

Love, Kim