I wasn’t always a Christian, but I knew God from a young age. I felt his presence. A silent, steady comfort that brought stability to my life in difficult times, like when my family faced serious health challenges or I had my struggles during adolescence. Through it all, God was there. I just didn’t know who He was or where to look. In this blog post, I will share my testimony of what led me to Christ. Before I became a Christian, I was always “searching” for something, and I’m proud to say I’ve landed in a place with a divine, loving God where I don’t need to search any longer.
My Journey to Christianity
In the Beginning
Ages 5 to 13
At five years old, I learned I loved to pray. My parents raised me atheist, so it was something I did in private. Either in the bathroom, in bed at night, or in my head as I was walking to places or while doing things with other people. Prayer was always a comfort, but I didn’t know why.
In my immediate family, we didn’t talk about God or go to church. My exposure to Christianity was confined to my trips to Denver, Colorado, where my grandparents lived up in the Rocky Mountains. Here, I felt deeply loved, seen, and understood as a child. I also felt safe. Something was different here, but I chalked it up to my grandma Jean. She was warm, loving, and filled with light, and I knew she was a deeply Christian woman, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered to me as a young girl was that I was loved by her, in a way I didn’t feel loved by anyone else!
Between the ages of five and fifteen, I went to Church with my grandmother when I visited. I was surprised that I liked church, despite having no experience with it. I felt truth there. When I returned home to Los Angeles from Colorado, I felt more in tune with myself, and more in touch with God. When I prayed, I felt that God answered my prayers. I also felt that He cared about my development.
Because of my grandma, who often talked about Jesus, I also began to pray to Jesus. I have visceral memories of feeling Jesus’ love as a child when I prayed. It was easy to talk to Him. When I cried, I called out to Him, and I felt His loving arms engulf me. Our relationship felt like a secret, but it was intimate. I knew I was loved, seen, and protected by Him. Even though I wasn’t a Christian, He sought me out.
We talked about everything: what I was feeling, what I was afraid of, and what I wanted. And when I talked to Him, I was comforted. As a young girl, dealing with insecurities, worries, and a dreadful sense of being unlovable, He was at times the only one who really understood me and who listened.
Ages 14 to 18
Starting in high school, everything changed. I wasn’t surrounded by Christians, or people who had any affinity for God. And life without God became increasingly difficult. I felt lonely, insecure, and often times like I was wandering aimlessly through life without a roadmap.
My roadmap became material things, as the people around me suggested. What were my grades? What college would I get into? How many friends did I have? These weren’t measures of my heart, they were measures of other people’s expectations. And regardless if you are a Christian or not, you know how painful it is to not live up to other people’s expectations. It’s painful because it’s impossible. You’ll never fulfill someone else’s idea of you.
Looking back, I wish God was more present in this time period. I still talked to him, but I didn’t have a community or a weekly ritual like church to keep me grounded. Instead, I chased everything else, like most of us do. Things that fall in the realms of status, materialism, or vanity. Things that lead us to comparison and criticism, of ourselves and of others.
God didn’t give up on me, though. When I returned to Colorado as a sophomore in high school, I received news that my paternal grandmother had passed away. Her death really shook me up. I was sad, and angry, and worst of all, I blamed God. I also wanted to test Him. At that point, I wasn’t sure if He was real. My parents didn’t believe in Him, so why should I?
At night, I snuck out of my house, grabbed a flashlight and a blanket, and walked up the long dirt road to my grandma’s barn. I threw all my stuff on the ground, looked up at the starry sky, and yelled at God.
“Why would you do this?” I yelled at Him. I even cursed at Him. Then, something came over me. “If you’re real, give me a sign!” I shouted, and at that moment, a brilliant shooting star shot across the sky, in between the dark silhouette of two tall pine trees. It was a striking moment, and it was unforgettable.
A wave of calm rushed over me, and I felt love. I began to cry. That day was one of my first real experiences with death, and it was also my first experience with true life––a life with God. He was there with me, comforting me, and He loved me. I didn’t have to earn it. In fact, I was even rude to Him, and He was still so loving to me. I was in awe of that type of love. The type of love that’s filled with grace and forgiveness.
Ages 19 to 24
I carried this story to college, where I often told other people about it. My “shooting star” theory, which cemented my belief that there was something out there greater than myself. Since I didn’t have a community of Christians, I was still operating alone. My belief in God was private, like so many aspects of myself. I didn’t have the confidence to share who I was, or my relationship with God.
I also didn’t know the risks lurking around the corner. The places, people, and activities that would lead me further away from God, with the thinly-veiled promises of things I once sought after. Pride, vanity, wealth, and so on, and so forth. Things that come from a big ego.
I followed these false promises, and things got darker, very quickly. By the middle of college, I was fully entrenched in New Age practices I found online, and I thought they were leading me to the things I once experienced with God. The promise of self-understanding, self-healing, and deeper, more meaningful relationships with others. I sought after these things because there were parts of me that were wounded. I was hurt, and I thought they would help.
Spoiler alert: they didn’t. I looked for answers in occult practices, like Zodiac Signs, Tarot Cards, Numerology, and so on. It quickly became an obsession and a means of exerting control over my own life. I wanted to know what my destiny was and how I could shape it. I wanted to connect with something deeper than myself, so I could become better, bigger, and more “evolved” than the day before.
Of course, none of this happened. These practices are like junk food. They give you short bursts of false confidence, propping up your ego, only to deplete you, and ultimately degrade you, over time. Toward the end of college, I was scared, and I was alone. I knew something wasn’t right, and I knew I had lost my connection to someone deeply important to me: God.
Ages 24 to Now
Two years after college, I stumbled back to God, weary and tired. I didn’t like the person I had become or the life in front of me, and I knew I was missing essential values, stability, and structure. I relied on my ego and the promises of earthly things around me: the right job, salary, and apartment. None of it satisfied me. I was empty, missing a portion of myself, and I knew it.
After a slew of jobs that left me drained and depleted, I called out to God to lead me out of the darkness, and He did. Slowly, but surely, over the course of the year, He helped me transition out of multiple jobs and into newer, healthier settings. He stood by me, and when the time was right, He told me it was time for me to move.
My grandma, at the age of 85, was entering her end-of-life phase. God called me to go help her, and in return, I knew my grandma would help me grow in my faith. I quit my job, ended a long-term relationship, terminated my apartment lease, and packed up everything to move to Denver, Colorado. The minute I left, I knew I had made the right choice. I was met not only with God but with a new group of loving people. My grandma, the fantastic people at her church, new neighbors, and the promise of new friendships.
In the time since I’ve felt genuine joy, and God’s led me to share my story with you through my old lifestyle blog, which I’ve kept throughout this entire time. I’m still growing and evolving as a woman, but now I have my North Star: God.
I love Him beyond words. He protects me, fills my heart, and enables me to love others with a breadth, depth, and conviction I couldn’t do alone. I’m so grateful to Him, and I want to share this story with you so that you know one thing: no matter who you are or what you’ve been through, you are so deeply and truly loved, and you are never too far away from God.
If you let Him, God will take your hand and lead you out of darkness and despair. He will nurture your soul, remind you of your great qualities, and use your unique gifts to embed you in communities that love and celebrate you.
It’s never too late to start a relationship with Him.
How Do I Start the Journey to Christianity?
First of all, I’m so happy you’re here. This is your journey, and God is so excited to talk to you. I’m also here for you. If you have a question for me in the comments, please ask me! I’d love to assist you on your journey to discovering God, and I’m thrilled if I can help bridge that gap between you and Him in any way.
What Does the Bible Say About Becoming a Christian?
The Bible offers great guidance on what it means to become a Christian and how one can start their journey with Christ. Here are some key passages that highlight the steps and principles involved in becoming a Christian!
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Remember, starting your Christian journey is not about figuring everything out immediately. It’s a process of growth, learning, and deepening your relationship with God. Embrace the journey with humility and an open heart. And most importantly, don’t be afraid to confess your fears, failures, and limitations to God. He will accept you as you are and help you walk and grow in your faith. He will also strengthen you! I’m praying for you!